Posted by: Integra Massage | February 2, 2011

How to overcome premature ejaculation

Premature ejaculation (PE) is probably the most prevalent sexual issue for men.  It’s something virtually all of us will experience at some point and is a significant problem for an estimated 20-40 percent of men.  PE means coming too soon, but how soon is too soon?    Scientists get  themselves in a muddle trying to define how long you should last, but really it’s very subjective.  Basically if the length of time you last interferes with the sexual enjoyment of you or your partner in a way that bothers either of you, then PE is an issue for you.

 

In my view there are five main factors behind PE.

1. Genetic Programming

We are wild animals at heart, programmed for survival, and unfortunately that means being programmed to ejaculate quickly.   From this point of view sex is a matter of gene survival rather than pleasure and needs to take place quickly to ensure that we are not displaced in the act by a competing male and that we can fertilize as many females as possible. However, with correct training it is perfectly possible to control and channel this instinct so that we can prolong sexual pleasure.

 

The Male “Period” Cycle

We all know that women have a cycle, but we men do too. Ours is not a monthly cycle but is determined by how quickly semen builds up in the prostate gland after ejaculation.  After ejaculation, semen begins to build in prostate and after it reaches a certain point, the pressure is so high that ejaculation will happen very quickly after arousal. Men can get to know their personal cycle time and use it to have better control over ejaculation. Ejaculate too frequently and you will exhaust your sexual energy.  Too infrequently and you will always be on a hair trigger.  In general the older we get the longer the cycle. Ancient Chinese medical texts give specific guidelines on healthy ejaculation frequency at different ages.  These guidelines are still a good starting point:

Age 15 – 1-2 times a day

Age 20 – 1-2 times a day

Age 30 – between 1 times a day and once every other day

Age 40 – every 3-4 days

Age 50 – every 5-10 days

Age 60 – every 10-20 days

Age 70 – best avoided

 

Early Conditioning

For many men early sexual experiments and self exploration are secretive and rushed. This can develop into an ingrained habit of coming as quickly as possible.  The good news is that any unwanted habit can be broken simply by replacing it with a new and helpful habit.  You may be surprised to discover how quickly a new habit can be programmed.

 

Over excitement

For most men, sex is a big deal.  It’s the thing we want most and we don’t get enough. When it does happen we dive right in there and lose control.  Anxiety and nervousness is another form of over excitement which can lead us to rush things.

 

Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction can also give rise to premature ejaculation.  If getting erect is difficult we may need more stimulation.  That stimulation may be enough to cause ejaculation before we are ready. I will soon present a detailed article on natural solutions to erectile dysfunction.

 

Natural Solutions

Most traditional remedies for PE focus on  a “Stop Start” approach to sex or on clenching the pelvic floor muscles to try to hold back ejaculation.  Neither approach is really satisfactory.

The alternative approach I advocate is based on methods handed down for thousands of years by Taoist and Tantric masters in the Far East.  These oriental spiritual traditions focused on prolonged sexual ecstasy as a gateway to spiritual enlightenment.  They taught highly effective methods of ejaculation control based on

  • Relaxing into the experience of arousal
  • Focusing on whole body experience rather than genital arousal and ejaculation
  • Precise and effective use of the pelvic floor muscles.

 

Although such methods have always been shrouded in secrecy and obscure language, they are actually simple to learn and apply.  You just need to learn exactly what to do and you need to practise.

The foundation of the programme I follow is a systematic method of physical and mental relaxation called Focused Active Relaxation (FAR).

The initial stage of FAR trains you in fundamental skills of breathing, relaxation, concentration and awareness. You practise these skills through enjoyable daily sessions of about 15-30 minutes duration, most of which are guided by a CD of recorded instructions.

We soon move on to exercises in which you apply these skills specifically to enhancing the duration of your arousal process.  Many of the exercises are done alone, although some can be done with a cooperative  partner.

Within a couple of months, you will find the skills you have learned have become so natural to you that is easy to apply them when making love.  The result: longer and more satisfying experiences for you and your partner.

There are also herbal formulas which can help by enhancing the relaxation and activity of the sexual muscles.

Paul’s Story

Paul was a local government officer in his mid 40s.  He had recently married for the second time.  His first marriage, although it produced two children, never really worked either sexually or in other ways.  But his new relationship was love!

Paul said he’d always had a hair trigger, and described himself as nervous and anxious by nature.

I recommended some herbs and supplements which I knew would shift the balance of Paul’s brain chemistry towards a generally calmer mode of operation, but most importantly we worked together on methods of relaxation.

Paul found that using the FAR CDs he could learn to relax his body deeply while remaining calmly alert in his mind.  He then explored how to experience this same relaxation and calmness during arousal. He gradually learned how to focus on whole body sensuality and to let go of anxiety.

His wife was a very active support through this training.

Paul’s comment is telling.  “I’d always tried to hold on longer by tensing up.  This would only make me more anxious.  It was a real eye opener to find out that the more I let go and the more laid back I was, the better things were both in terms of time and the pleasure of the experience”.

 

 

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Responses

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